DEATH CANNOT BE DEFEATED BUT ITS IMPACT ON THE LIVING CAN REDUCED
Probably everybody or most people can empathise with the feelings and actions of Barry Steenkamp, Reeva Steenkamp's father, as he related how he stuck his diabetes needle into his stomach and hands, in his attempt to comprehend the pain his daughter would/or might have had to endure, as she was killed by her boyfriend, Oscar Pistorius.
Yes, those of us who are, presently, not having to endure Barry Steenkamp's emotional and psychological pain, might ask ourselves: why should any person have to put themselves thorough such an additional and, yes, avoidable pain, probably in the hope that, by sharing that terrible moment with our loved one who is no longer physically with us, we might help them and us to find some peace and be able to move on?
I suspect that when many, if not all of us lose a loved person due to a tragic illness or disease, or the violent death which became Reeva Steenkamp's fate, our whole being comes into question, and we are confronted with a make or break situation. It is the case that the death of a a relative can destroy a person, and it might even be the case that the deaths of people close to us do diminish us and is able to reduces the value some of us place on our life/living, instead of increasing it.
One of the usual reactions we have toward death, is to ask 'why did it have to be such and such a person?' We bemoan the fact that the person was so young, or so full of life, or had everything to live for, and, probably oftentimes, we are appreciative that it was not our time as yet, although we are, temporarily at least, forced to contemplate our own deaths. The fact is that, wherever life is found, death will also be there.
The deaths of others, since we cannot have or speak of the experience of our own deaths, bring out the feelings of guilt within us; that uncomfortable and even irrational feeling that 'there might have been something we could have done', or, 'if only we had done that' or ' had that had not happened, it might have been different', and this person would still be alive, and we would have continued to be experiencing the joy which they brought to our lives, and not be feeling the emptiness and even torment of which Barry Steenkamp recounts.
So, death, in addition to the sense of loss it gives rise to, can cause us to hate and despise ourselves. It can make us want to punish ourselves, to the point of some people, in their grief, even killing themselves. Indeed, death is capable of turning us into masochists, with us losing, to different extent, the battle which it requires us to fight against grief and sorrow, and giving up on life; instead of living life to the fullest degree we are able to.
It seems to me - and yes, I am aware that observing something is signigicantly different from feeling and experiencing it - that death is a finite and absolute state as far as human consciousness is concerned, and that no amount of expression of grief, of self-inflicted punishment can breathe life into the body of a person who has died, however tragic and traumatic the circumstances.
It is also the case that the person who has died - and who would have eventually died at some point, since that is our common destiny - is beyond the reach of anymore pain. It is only those of us who are living and still confronting our own deaths, who can be touched by pain.
The greatest good which any person who is afflicted by grief can do, for themselves and other, is to live and enjoy the rest of our lives, and actively avoid giving into feelings of grief, guilt and destructive thoughts, which only makes things worse and not better. We owe it to ourselves.
It would be great if Barry Steenkamp and others like him who are probably at risk of succumbing to the destructive force of grief, could did deep and positively think themselves out of falling into the pit of despair.
Endeavour to live and enjoy your life as fully as you can; it is what really matters.
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