JUST PHILOSOPHISING - ON BEING SUFFOCATED BY CONSIDERATIONS FOR MY SAFETY. PART 1.

'Probably somewhat like mental disorder, dementia and alzheimer's diseases are affecting a greater proportion of the world's population than it had previously done. 

But, because of their progressively degenerative nature, unlike psychotic mental states or some learning disabilities, have a greater potential to imprison and keep the intellect and 'soul' of its victims in the uninhabited void between being able to perceive and interact appropriately with the world, and not being able to do so.'

And so it is, that, being a woman of a certain age, in my senior years, when it seems reasonable that I have less years to remain living amongst others who inhabit the earth, than I had had previously. 

For example, when I was a working women. That I find myself in a world of my own.  

Even though I could see others moving about me, talking to me and even smiling and laughing with me. 

I found myself alone even when it seemed that I was not alone. I found myself to have been not as connected as I previously was with those around and about me.

My family, my friends and others. And it all started with me becoming ill and having to be taken to the hospital. 

Where I had spent many hours, days and even weeks. So that they could carry out batteries of tests on me. 

Blood test, urine test, blood pressure tests, EEG tests, MRI scans and X-rays, and many more. 

Before having diagnosed me what they said is ''Vascular dementia.'

'Vascular what', I might have enquired, had I been lucid and articulate in my thoughts. In my understanding and speech, at the time. 

But, of course I did not asked them, or, if I did, and they did explained it to me, I do not remember. 

How could I? When I was so busy trying to make sense of the world, 'my world,' and the 'real world'? 

Which has so suddenly changes its meaning and how it functioned, normally? 

How could I, when I had to struggle with my confused and confusing thoughts.  And how I process the information impacting on my senses? 

How to try to make sense of them and express and use them as they are meant to be used. As how I normally use them?

And so I struggled. I struggled and I am still continuing to struggle to hold onto my sanity.  To maintain some control over my thoughts and what I have left of 'my life.'

To be continued.