AN ENIGMATIC AND POIGNANT JOURNEY AROUND MY AGEING AND EVOLVING MOTHER! PART 155

 

But is it 'normal' or 'abnormal'? Well, that might be a question which is best left for those who have observed and studied the subject as a profession. 

It is not a straightforward matter, as ones, including my own reactions to the death of my dear mother could and might change over time. 

I guess that what might matter most, at this time, for now, is not so much what our reactions are.  But rather the impact of those reactions on our, my and others health and social functioning. 

Whether the consequences are detrimental or healing. It is within the realm of what we tend to call, unfinished business; finding closure, if such a state can ever really achieved by us mortals. 

Yes, I, if I really think of it, ponder on it for any length of time, am really occupying a state of suspended reality, as I await the burial of my dear mother. 

And thought this state can prove uncomfortable for me, when I ponder on the reality or fact of my dear mother's body being kept refrigerated.  

In order to slow the rate of deterioration and, yes, decomposition which is the natural process any living being who has died. 

I find that the thoughts which are evoked, are uncomfortable. They are initial even disturbing and require me to allow myself time to rationalise, accommodate and accept them as 'natural;' in the sense that it is what happens to us all, when we die. 

However, some of my uneasiness does lie in the fact that, in the first instance, I am required to compare the body of my dear mother with that of any other animal which has died and is refrigerated, usually for food. 

Secondly, my uneasiness also lies in the fact that, being of my mother's species, I naturally identify and empathises with her and her now state of being demised. 

And, as such, I also find myself imagining myself, at some future date, being placed in her position. 

Even though, fortunately, as she now is, I shall have no awareness of what is transpiring.  

And so it is, that the death of any and probably all of us, also becomes, as it were, while we contemplate on it, the rehearsal for the death of the rest of us.

To be continued!